dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
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