He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Randomize
