he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Send help, water and tortillas.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
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