we have officially lost it.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
