R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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