Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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