i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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