this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
