Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
