Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
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