Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
