ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Randomize
