More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
