im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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