I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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