How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
