Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
