I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize