just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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