Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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