He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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