Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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