Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Randomize