Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
