**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
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