i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Randomize
