You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
jump out the window naked night went bad
Pooping to opera.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
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