I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
