Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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