Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize