Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
