I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
