dude i'm inner monologue high
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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