Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
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