You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
