how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
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