dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Randomize
