Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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