I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
