I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Randomize
