so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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