He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
You made out with two different species that night
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
