I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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