He disabled his match.com account in front of me
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Randomize
