I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
it's not cheating when I paid for it
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Randomize
