we have officially lost it.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
