You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
