Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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