ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Randomize
