Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
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