Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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