Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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