We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
Question. A woman tells her guy she's on birth control. Stops taking it to have a kid to force the guy to be responsible and with her. What rights does that guy have
None he's f-d
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
