Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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