I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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