Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
It's not a walk of shame if you run
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
