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The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Randomize
