you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
