I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I think i peed on brittanys purse
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
