Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
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