Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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