At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
