just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Your penis caused this!
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
