I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
As shirtless as possible
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
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