I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
You made out with two different species that night
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Randomize
