I'm going to jail i love you
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
We are two peas in an std pod
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
