We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize