I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
