I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
