So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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