Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
