No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
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